zaks wri(tings) #3

… Before I continue, I would like to state that yes of course there were other ways of getting home. But in order for you to understand why I chose to sell my phone, you need a likkle context.

Below are the other options and reasons why I opted out of them;

Try get on public transport without a ticket/oyster. My days of (allegedly) bumping TFL and (allegedly) jumping barriers are over. I’m grown now. I pay taxes and that. 

Ask a friend or a family member to come pick me up. Pride. I have already inconvenienced my loved ones enough by deciding to become a self-employed creative. There are only so many favours one can ask. (Besides most of my people are in a similar financial situation to me. ‘All my guys are ballers’? Can’t relate.)

Hitchhike.  Lol. I’m a young black woman. You must be dey craze.

Walk.  The most sensible option. And I would have chosen this one but the thing is … I needed money to get through the week. We were low on rent and selling my phone was quick and easy money. 

Well, So I thought. Back to the story.

I put on my thinking bonnet and check apple maps. It says there is a GAME store (red flag) a 25 minute walk away. Light work. Off I trot. As I make my way, there is plenty of time for some self-reflection, post audition doubt and general daydreaming. 

The walk was actually quite pleasant. Picturesque trees, cobbled paths and endless views of houses I can’t afford. (Lovely.) As I buss the last corner, I plan all the things I intend to buy with my new paycheque. (Did someone say a naughty nandos next week?)

Er…

Tell me why I turn the corner to find a chiropractor’s office. Not a rass GAME store in sight. (In hindsight, what did I expect? Everyone knows that most GAME stores shut down time ago.) Obviously apple maps didn’t get the memo. (Cha.)

I turn around to see a shop selling healthy sweets, herbal teas and holistic medicine. I’m having a sulk and definitely deserve a freebie. So I walk in.

As I browse the shelves, one Jadis the White Witch looking don approaches me. (Shoutout you Narnia fans.) Time to pretend I’m going to buy something.

“Mmmmmmm yes I definitely have tried panax ginseng” “That organic fennel seed looks delicious” “Yeah … You got any free samples?”. Jadis wasn’t having it and immediately switched the conversation to payment options for their monthly prescription subscription. My cue to leave.

Seen as though apple maps was officially an opp, I go on google and look for the nearest CeX. It’s an hour and a half away. (Sigh.)

The walking ting is getting a bit long now but I persevere. During which, I get an email stating I have been pencilled to be an extra in a Metronomy music video (1). The pay was meady but every little helps innit. (And I recently added a few of their tunes to my playlist so I thought it could be a vibe.)

I reach what I think is going to be my final destination and hand my phone to the CeX worker. They give it one look and say “We can’t buy that”.

Exsqueeze me big man?

The phone was in pristine condition. Not even a hairline crack. The only thing is it wouldn’t turn on. (Oh yeah I forgot to mention. My phone died half way through the trek and refused to turn back on.)

I go to every bossman within a mile radius. (You know the dodgy ones with a ‘we unlock phones’ neon sign in the window.) Just to be met with different variations of no. 

But just when I am about to give up, I see another CeX store in the corner of my eye. As I explain my situation to the emo gamer cashier, I hear a voice say “I can help you’. I turn around and see my knight in a shining umbro tracksuit. My ghetto guardian angel…

Footnotes and foolishness 

1. Below is a link to the music video. Complete waste of time tbh. Blink and you’ll miss me. https://youtu.be/r_TO-eQeYuQ
2. Comment below if you want pt.3.
3. More twists and turns guaranteed.