zaks wri(tings) #1
My mum is my g. My ride or die. I would say she’s my best friend but my actual best friend … Well … she is cheating on me at the moment so we’re on a break. Seeing other people if you will. (But that’s a story for another day.)
Back to mumzy. My mum was a relatively young mum when I was born. Not so young that social services had to get involved but young enough that she had to wear baggy clothes to hide her belly for 9 months.
I am the product of two reprobates who left home to live out their 90s black love fantasy. I would say ‘ran away’ but it was definitely more of a light jog. My mum’s mum only lived 13 minutes down the road. (They used to bump into each other at Tesco.)
Both my parents were creatives. For legal reasons, I can’t say the school they both met at but I can say it is a school outside of England (Croydon) and rhymes with ‘The SH*T school of DEFORMING TARTS’. (And yes. I am still salty they rejected my sixth form application).
To be honest, the story of them meeting was kinda cute. My mum was studying theatre and my dad was studying art. They knew of each other but never spoke until one fateful night at a south London garage rave. They both locked eyes, slowly walked up to each other and said … Hi. The rest was history.
I would like to state that they are definitely not together any more and the ‘history’ was a bit mad. (But that’s a story for my therapist.) Silver lining – they had me.
So yeah, that was the start of the dream team. Me and mumzy.
I should also mention my little sister too. Even though she’s only 9, she is very much one of my gs. (And she probably won’t share her unicorn fruit loops if I don’t).
zaks wri(tings) 
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